no it has been a long day since yesterday because the two days are one. I got about a two hour nap last night and then could not fall asleep. No matter what I tried didn’t matter even my medication‘s to make me sleep didn’t work. However, I did get to meet a potential family doctor and so far it seems like a good match. We’ll see as time goes on the meet and greet went well. Finally after a year and a half of searching since my last one retired.

It’s been a very long journey and when you have complex PTSD that is triggered by medical settings. It makes it even harder to find a doctor. I tried a new approach today instead of hiding the fact that I was in the medical field I displayed it. First with an organized binder because I have a list of the length of my arm of medical issues, many relating to a car crash. And then to treat those I have another list of medication‘s. And then there’s of course family of medical history. I’ve got this followers known in a binder, a sheet for questions to ask the doctor when I next see them so on so forth up the spider down in front of him when he asked me About my medical history and Now and I went you want to read the first few pages you’ll get a really good idea of me medically. No find a Doctor Who can see through an autistic mask is difficult to say the least and this guy sure seen through me. He knew I have a heavy, bad background. He knew that I hide how much I know. It tends to intimidate doctors when you can go you’re wrong and here’s why and be perfectly logical reasonable and correct. I have a really hard time advocating for myself, especially since I can go nonverbal in medical situations. I’m thinking that was part of why I was up last night and also chronic pain sucks especially when you don’t have a family doctor to help you with pain management. Today I got selling my harder to get medication’s so I bet you anything I get a good sleep tonight And wake up nice and refreshed and ready to do more writing. There will be a chapter tonight still coming out so set up and just going through the check over. I just ask you remember this is the first draft so advice is always welcome there too.

Soon as I got home before pain had a chance to sit in, I took my service puppy for her walk. And we had a very interesting walk. I’m glad that I’m not one who likes to make phone calls so when I make someone’s phone ring they tend to answer. This came in handy today. There’s this guy who walks around with a Bluetooth boombox for lack of better description at all hours day and night, the same songs over and over and over and over again. Today I caught sight of him. He was in front of me. No I’m used to getting a little bit of attention because who doesn’t like a cute puppy and she’s not invested so they don’t know she’s a working dog and she does love attention so I’m always more than happy to let people give her that attention. However, this guy he made me feel weird. On the back of my neck, my hair were raised and every instinct I have was saying caution. No one of the first lessons I learned when I start going to the reservation was to always trust your instincts. They’re there for a reason. So now this guy has my attention And not in a way you want my attention. I’m using my arm braces because I’ve already in significant amount of pain. I’ve had to use my wheelchair earlier in the day, but I tried to do at least one physical walk a day to keep what mobility I have. He turned around and looks at me who cares. Then it looks like he’s going to take a couple steps towards me and changes his mind and then he keeps pace checking back over his shoulder to try and keep pace exactly to me. I give my dog the command.” on me.” This means get to my side some things got me feeling weird. You may have to do your work. It’s our informal best as I like to call it frankly, I think she thinks I’m nuts when I say it sometimes. When I know him double back when he rounded a corner and realized he didn’t know if I was rounding that same corner that’s when I made a friend of mine‘s phone ring. And they picked up I went. You’re joining me for the rest of the walk with my dog. And most people who know me know that is code for something has me unsettled am uncomfortable and there’s probably a damn good reason. He hesitates, but he keeps up with this creepy behavior. I’m noticing that my service dog is watching him sideways as well. If you can’t trust your own instincts, always press an animals. You then turned completely around and was coming right towards me, I didn’t care for the look on his face or where his eyes decided to settle. I just talked more of my friend while actually paying a lot more attention to him. And this is where the power of speed to say hello in multiple languages comes in handy. I had a decent idea by his music what language he may speak. So I greeted him in that language. The look on his face was one of pure surprise, and all of a sudden my hackles her back down. The dog is more comfortable and he stepped back and goes around me instead of coming right for me. I don’t know if he had something planned, but if he did showing him the respect of saying hello, in his own language shook him enough to realize this individual knows too much already about me this individual despite being Mobile challenged is not an easy target. Now I live in a rough area. It’s not the first time this truck is coming handy and it won’t be the last. I have a few other tricks that keep up my sleeve. And I feel them a lot of people would not expect because of my medical background. I know if you have a really good weak points in the human body, I want them to land on their ass so I can run the opposite way avoidance. It’s always the best self-defense. I am a minority in several ways not just because I’m a Check. So I’ve taken steps to help protect myself. One of my more recent step is I’m starting to work on Tai Chi. As I do so I have discovered that tai chi is really used for those with a lot of the physical conditions. I have that are problematic. There has been a reduction in my pain, I’ve been able to walk just a little bit further each day, and while I can still count, how many falls I take in a day that number has gone down because I have a little bit more bounce. Now as you get more fluid and skilled with Tai Chi, you were really fast with it. It’s actually a self-defense martial art form. And a really nice one props I’ll tell you more about my favourite martial arts instructor for tai chi that I learned from. Not only does it help me with my medical complications, but it helps me with my safety, which means I’m walking around less tense waiting for that shoe to drop because I know I’m ready to catch that shoe. And when you’re ready, you’re a lot less likely to run into trouble or if you do you’re a lot more likely to get out of it without a confrontation. However, I’m most excited about the fact that after so long of looking for a family doctor, I finally found one. Our personalities clicked the fact that we believe in a medical team is huge. It’s hard to find a doctor like that. It’s also hard to find a doctor that goes this section of your health. I’m not comfortable handling without Support. I’m gonna get you a referral you’ll see them twice a year I’ll handle the rest. In other words, a Doctor Who can admit he doesn’t know a Doctor Who won’t kill you at a pride. And the first thing he did was he gave me my pain management meds in a month once we’ve managed to get this pain loop that I’ve been stuck in for a while broken we’ll start working on my other meds. See what we can remove and what we can replace with better Options. Because a lot of my meds are not working as well as they should be, but something has been better than nothing during all this time now I don’t need to settle because when I asked him who all makes up my team, the first person he listed with me because I know my body. I know my medical history. I may not necessarily know what’s wrong, but I know when something is wrong. Even if someone makes up a whole bunch of things saying something wrong such as that you had lunch houses well they are right something wrong. They’re just not correct on what it is. So my favourite saying is I’m the noncompliant patient. I asked the hard questions I push for what I need and I will keep pushing and hunting until I find someone who understands and can guide me through it. I’ve had too many bad experiences that nearly cost me in my life and I have had too many bad experiences that cost doctors their licenses. All because I was afraid to speak up because they’ve got to know their stuff they went to school for it. We often forget their human as well. They can fuck right up just as bad as the rest of us. So guys no matter the situation rather it’s that random guy on the street medical hell even a grocery store don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Just remember to be respectful and you will get so far in life.  You may not hear from me again today. Medical things are mentally exhausting for me and often all I wanna do is cuddle up to someone. I’m close to and hide straight up hide. What I’ve got is a service dog to cuddle up with a cat that’s investigating me and laying down to her and pain meds to hide with because it’s been so long since I’ve had access to them. They’re gonna make me sleep and I can’t tell you how much I need sleep right now. Although if I had to choose between sleep right now and cuddling up in the arms of someone special, I’d pick the arms of someone special and I know who that person is that I would pick today. Have a great day everyone or evening or whatever time of day it is for you.

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