First drafts are often the messy, unedited versions of whatever is being written about. This means that whatever pops into your head gets written down and later you will handle the fleshing out, continuity issues etc. This makes for something with great potential and that is much like life. Even first drafts give me issues. The biggest part I struggle with besides health issues is getting emotions and moods of characters down properly.

I hesitated on making my first draft public because of how messy they can be and how writers block can jump up from any where. The other issue is sometimes my pain levels are to high to write anything, or my mood and emotions are so unbalanced that it reflects in my writing with all my characters instead of just one if I even wanted to have a character like that.

Sometimes, from my reading of other authors work publishers can try and push for change in certain areas that may change the entire meaning of the book itself. Then there are individuals who think that a character needs this aspect to their personality when really that is not who the character is. So those who are not writers do not get that these characters become in a way real people. Imagined people, yet still real in how they are formed and who they are.

Today I actually had someone come up to me and say Delilia needs to be stronger if she is going to be a main character. To do this would change the entire novel itself, instead of her finding her strength and the journey of getting there we would have one powerful character who could fix many issues with the wave of her paw. I do not want simple and sometimes these suggestions are great, other times the suggestions are not thought out as to the impact they could have.

In this first book that I am writing, the first big change you can see is the fact I change writing perspectives. Honestly I did not even notice I had done it initially however I find this works better for this book and may actually be more my style. I am not sure.

With the journey the group is taking I was very hesitant about taking down another character for an extended period of time even though it plays heavily into his story. I also struggled with having other points of view besides the two main characters, yet I decided to go with all that wanted to come forward could do so. It seems to add a bit of depth to my writing and make up for some of the areas I struggle with, it also assists with the writing struggles of uhhh how do I get from point a to point c. What is point b? That was a big one last week.

Yet another area I have issues with is the hyperfocus I can develop. To the point I forget the world and it is just me and my keyboard. There is also the companion of distractions in every single place. I am still struggling with this one, to get a proper balance, I know it will come and I am still new to writing and yet it is hard to not be to hard on myself with this because I know these are flaws of mine. what, what do ya mean shiny? where?… some of the distractions got mitigated when Apple and Microsoft stopped having their spats and finally let the apple phone and the Microsoft phonelink app could be used. It is very distracting to jump from one device to another and back again and maintain flow with work and not interrupt the thought process to bad. Though the two seem to be having some issues the past week. Soooo goody I get to try and figure out my way around that 1and0 maze lol Technology, it is great when it works like it should, when it doesn’t then it is a pain in the ass in epic ways.

I have already learned so much with the first 24 chapters, 25 if you count the one I have been trying to figure out the past few days. One of the most important ones, has actually come from chapter 25. Close the damn laptop and go and read a book. Now I think I finally have a way around my problem. I was thinking to hard and not paying attention to the simple things and was to frustrated to actually see my way out of the mess.

I will not lie and say I am looking forward to the revision. Yet I can not say I am dreading it because I am curios as to how that process will look and what it will take. Yes I write poems, and was published when I was in my teens for one of them, however those are not my key draw in writing. They are my emotional outlet. Another tool I could have used with chapter 25 come to think of it.

I also struggle with ideas coming to mind for other characters and their stories, I do not think I am the only one with that issue. That said being nerodiverse creates unique problems that take a bit more to work around and I know this is going to show more as I do the first round of editing.

Yet with all that said, I wouldn’t change a thing. Well except I would have started years ago with this journey not waited till I could not stand just letting my days go by quietly after the car accident. I now see why some people never retire fully. It is damn boring! So this journey so far has not only taught me a fair bit about writing, it has taught me a fair bit about myself as well as skills to apply to other aspects of my life such as walk away and go read a book. I am excited to be doing this, I am excited to be doing these posts as well because it gives a more human touch to the process and how life can and does make writing a challenge even when it is your primary focus. It also gives me a chance to reflect on what is going on that may be impacting my writing, or how my writing is impacting me and what to do about it. Starting to write has given me my freedom back. I am no longer the girl who had so much taken by a high speed hit and run, but I am the girl who had everything taken and is still fighting to do more then just exist. I am starting to see a bit of why people call me strong and an inspiration even if I may not agree.

What is it they say? We are our own worst critics. Yea clichés and sayings that we get tired of hearing actually do apply to life in unexpected ways and can be the key to getting back on your feet after having your life blow up on so many levels. I have been learning this one a fair bit lately.

If you are a writer, how did your first attempt go? If your not a writer do you you want to be and what do you think the hardest part will be about writing?