Snowstorms and Life Lessons: The Importance of Patience, Respect, and Forgiveness
Snowstorms have a way of making life both entertaining and exasperating. With 18mm of fluffy snow falling in just 24 hours, the streets became a battleground for anyone attempting to escape their parallel parking spots. Today, I helped six drivers who were stuck, furiously spinning their tires and only making things worse. (not such a helpful sound when your head is screaming) You’d think that living in a place where snow blankets half the year would teach people that rocking the car—not spinning the wheels—is the way out. Yet every winter, it’s the same show. Meanwhile, here I am, driving a low-slung, old manual sports car that rarely gets stuck. And when it does, I know how to free it without turning the snow into ice. Even those with 4×4 vehicles seem to forget this crucial yet simple technique, making the spectacle all the more baffling. Maybe next winter, we can add ‘winter driving basics’ to our New Year’s resolutions. Right after ‘stop blaming the weather for everything.’
These moments in snowstorms aren’t just about cars, though—they’re glimpses into how people approach challenges and interactions in general. The same patterns of impatience or overcorrection appear in other areas of life, from relationships to decision-making. And that brings me to my six-question system, a personal approach to filtering meaningful connections in the often chaotic and hurried world of online dating.*
The Six-Question System: Building Meaningful Connections
In a way, my six-question system mirrors the lessons of a snowstorm. Just as I help drivers stuck in parallel parking navigate their way out with patience and precision, the same qualities guide me in choosing who to meet. Both situations require focus and persistence—whether it’s rocking a car back and forth or listening closely during a conversation. And just as failing to adapt to snow creates unnecessary struggles, rushing through or ignoring the details in those six questions often reveals someone who’s not ready for the journey.
When it comes to getting to know someone online, I rely on a system I’ve developed—a set of six questions. These questions aren’t complicated, nor are they designed to trip anyone up. They’re simply a way for me to gauge whether someone is genuinely interested in knowing me or just trying to fast-track their way to something superficial. The rules are simple: get even one question right, and we meet. Miss all six, and I walk away. It’s not about how long we’ve been talking, but the quality of our conversations. I like to think of it as Darwinism, but for online socialization.
The questions don’t change often—they’re consistent, but every so often, I’ll adjust them to keep things relevant and meaningful. For example, I might ask: What’s my favorite flower? Or, what is one lifelong challenge I face related to my long-term differences or disabilities? These aren’t mysteries to anyone who’s taken the time to listen—they’re personal details I openly share early in a conversation because they’re part of who I am. I ask these questions randomly as openings appear naturally in the flow of our conversation, ensuring they don’t feel forced or out of place. It’s not about making things difficult; it’s about prioritizing meaningful connections.
At the heart of this system is the idea of intentional listening—a skill that extends far beyond dating. Listening not only helps us form connections but also challenges the assumptions we make about others. When assumptions go unchecked, they can lead to misunderstandings, judgments, and, ultimately, harm. Addressing these moments requires humility, respect, and accountability—values that are crucial not just in dating or making friends but in every human interaction, especially when making amends. This brings me to the importance of apologies and forgiveness.
The Power of Apologies and Forgiveness
Apologies and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin—each vital for healing, yet often misunderstood. Apologies hold weight not in the words alone, but in the actions that follow. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is not about absolving the person who caused harm; it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of their actions. These two concepts are interwoven, with forgiveness allowing space for growth and meaningful apologies ensuring that growth is more than just an empty gesture.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what you did—when you are in the wrong, a genuine apology is vital. The words “I’m sorry” are simple, but they carry no meaning unless backed by actions that reflect accountability and a commitment to change. Apologies are a universal expression of respect, humility, and humanity—proof that you value the relationships you’ve hurt and recognize the need to make amends.
Making assumptions about someone—judging their abilities, motives, or actions—without knowing the truth does harm to the person judged. It diminishes their dignity, erodes trust, and often reflects more on the person making the assumption than the one it targets. And when those assumptions prove to be completely unfounded—especially about someone you know personally—the wrong caused becomes even sharper. That’s when an apology is most vital, one that isn’t merely about clearing the air but about actively restoring trust and showing respect for the person harmed. Taking accountability for our assumptions through both words and actions is an act of restoration that affirms the value of the relationship and honors the humanity of those we’ve wronged.
Plains Cree Teachings on Forgiveness and Respect
Plains Cree teachings emphasize the profound importance of forgiveness—not as an act of weakness, but as a powerful tool for personal and communal healing. Forgiveness, in this context, is not about excusing harmful behavior but about releasing the anger and resentment that weigh down the spirit. It is a way to restore balance within oneself and the community, aligning with the Cree value of manâcihitowin (respect). However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting or allowing harm to continue. It is a conscious choice to move forward while holding others accountable for their actions.
The teachings of the Medicine Wheel remind us of the interconnectedness of all aspects of life—spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental. Balance among these realms is essential for harmony, and forgiveness plays a key role in achieving it. Apologies, when genuine and accompanied by meaningful actions, help to restore this balance. They honor the Cree principle of tâpwêwin (truth), which calls for honesty and integrity in our relationships.
This principle applies whether you’re apologizing to a stranger for doubting their ability to help—like assuming someone with mobility issues can’t get a car out of the snow—or to the closest person in your life. In both cases, assumptions can cause harm and disrupt the balance of trust and respect. A heartfelt apology, rooted in humility and reinforced with actions, becomes even more vital when those assumptions are proven wrong. It restores the dignity of the person judged and strengthens the bonds of relationship—whether the relationship is newly formed or deeply rooted.
Final Thoughts: Life Lessons from Snowstorms
Life has a way of teaching us the same lessons in different forms, and for me, snowstorms have always been the perfect metaphor for those truths. They remind me of the importance of patience and persistence, the harm caused by judgment and assumptions, and the transformative power of respect, forgiveness, and humility. Whether it’s helping strangers out of snow-covered parking spots, navigating the intricacies of online dating, or reflecting on the wrongs caused by assumptions, the lessons remain the same: the smallest actions—pausing to listen, choosing honesty, or offering a sincere apology—can create the greatest change.
The teachings of the Plains Cree have given me a framework to approach life with respect, balance, and truth. Manâcihitowin (respect) and tâpwêwin (truth) remind me that every interaction, no matter how fleeting, has the potential to build trust or erode it. Forgiveness is not about forgetting but about freeing ourselves from resentment to make space for growth. Apologies, especially when backed by meaningful actions, repair the fractures in our relationships and restore balance within ourselves and our communities.
Much like surviving a snowstorm, navigating life’s challenges isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being prepared to adapt, to admit when we’re wrong, and to keep moving forward. We all spin our wheels from time to time, but with patience, humility, and a bit of guidance, we can all find the traction we need to move on. Snowstorms melt, paths clear, and life moves forward. What matters is how we show up—whether for ourselves, for others, or for the principles we hold dear. Or, failing all that, it’s knowing how to wield a good snow shovel.
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