How to Be There for Those in Need
Today, I was struggling to figure out a topic to write about. As I scrolled through my chats, it hit me: How do we support those who are struggling with their mental health? It’s easy to say “be there for them,” but what does that really mean? What does it look like in practice?
For me, it’s about being a safe space where someone can express everything, no matter how dark. From the start, I make it clear that if I believe they are a danger to themselves or others, I will contact the appropriate people for a wellness check. It’s the responsible thing to do. They can talk about self-harm and the fear that comes with those thoughts or plans. As long as there are no signs they will act on these thoughts, discussing them can help them realize they don’t truly want to follow through.
Often, these feelings stem from loneliness and feeling unheard. By being there, I help remove one of the major tipping points because they feel heard, and when you’re heard, you don’t feel so alone. As long as they are safe, they can share as much as they need. I have two ears and, in most cases, two eyes, given that text is often the preferred method of communication.
They can reach out at any time, and I can respond similarly. They might message at 2 AM; sometimes I’m awake and can focus entirely on them, other times I’m fighting to sleep, or I’m sound asleep or deeply engrossed in my writing. I keep odd hours and am naturally a night owl, which is often when these struggles surface because mental walls are down, and the world is quiet. So I do not care what time I am messaged, we can’t schedule mental health help, it is random.
If they message at 2 AM, I might not respond for 12 hours, but I always try to acknowledge their message with a “I read this and will respond as soon as I can” because life is chaotic. When someone is struggling, I reinforce that I’ve read their message and want to respond thoughtfully.
Sometimes, I might reply with, “I read this, and I want to be at my computer to respond” or “I read this, and as soon as I can, I will respond.” This reinforces the feeling of being heard. As someone who struggles with mental health, this can be the most important thing from my perspective.
It’s also crucial to recognize that mental health issues aren’t always medical. Sometimes, it’s about helping them navigate a messy relationship or feeling down about their art. If we can help at these stages, it often prevents things from escalating.
It’s not about giving advice or saying, “I’ve been there,” though sometimes that applies. It’s about active listening, key word is listening not talking. By being present and attentive, we can make a significant difference in the lives of those struggling with their mental health.
Now, what is active listening? You’ve heard it here and probably elsewhere. Let’s explore the two versions we see today with technology: active listening in person and in text.
Active listening in person means truly paying attention when someone is talking. Instead of just hearing the words, you focus on understanding their message, feelings, and perspective. It involves giving them your full attention—making eye contact (unless it’s uncomfortable for you or them), nodding, commenting, asking questions, or summarizing what they said to show you’re engaged. It’s about being present and showing empathy, not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Sometimes they may just want to vent and then move on to another topic. Following their cues is essential in active listening. If you’re not great at following cues, let them know to be direct when they want to change the subject. Clear communication ensures you’re focused on them. You might say, “Hey, I need you to let me know when you want to change the topic or if you need something I’m not providing so I can be there for you.” This ensures the person understands your communication struggles. We all have aspects of communication we struggle with.
Active listening in text is similar but with a few differences. It means paying attention to what the other person writes, ensuring you understand their meaning, showing interest, and replying in a way that makes them feel heard. This could mean asking questions if you’re unsure, rephrasing their main points to confirm understanding, or being encouraging and thoughtful in your responses.
Emoticons can show you’re there and reading their messages while waiting for them to be ready to talk. It’s about focusing on the conversation and showing you care—no fancy skills required!
Why not repeat verbatim? Rephrasing ensures you understand not just the big picture but the subtle nuances, which is crucial in mental health. Helping someone with mental health often involves active listening. Even if it’s dragging them out for a walk after a week indoors, you become a safe spot for them to express themselves.
I may not recognize all the signs of someone asking for help without saying it outright, but I tend to be the voice of truth, even if it’s unwelcome. Just like telling someone, “Yes, those jeans make your ass look big,” I cringe at giving that truth but I still do. I might say, “I think you should seek help; this is beyond my knowledge. Want me to help you find someone to talk to? I can go with you to the first appointment if you want. I’d still love to hear about this, but I think we need professional support to help you get through this.” This is part of active listening and supporting mental health. They need the truth and support, even if it means finding professional help. Letting them know you’re still willing to talk shows you’re there for them.
I also educate myself on more detail on mental health when I’m around someone with a diagnosis or call a friend. This helps me understand unique aspects where they might need help, from those easily distracted to those triggered by certain things. Knowing these things helps me create a safer space for them. This might also lead to more walks, improving my own mental health in return. Active listening is a big part of helping with mental health. It’s the starting point for knowing what to do.
Please share this with your friends and family. Your support can make a difference in someone’s life. I would love to hear areas you find are helpful with helping someone with their mental health.
Who am I? 
I would love to hear from you!