Content Warning: This post discusses grief, the loss of a child, and reflections on a difficult moment in life, while still being the most positive thing a family member has done. Please take care when reading if these topics might be triggering for you.
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
When I seen this prompt this was the immediate memory that came forward. A shining example of sisterly love. An amazing example of the old saying “it is easy to be there for the good times. Hard to be there for the bad” however this goes beyond a bad time, it goes into a tragic painful time and way and above the call of that saying. This sister is an amazing person who to this day gets me through that difficult time. So this is the memory I chose to describe as my answer to this prompt.
While this question is easy to answer, it is also a deeply bittersweet one. It’s tied to the hardest time in my life, but it is also the clearest reflection of the most positive and selfless thing a family member has ever done for me. My next oldest sibling, who I grew up with, has shown incredible strength and love, especially in the years since we became adults. There’s a significant age gap between us, but that has never stopped her from being there for me when I needed her most. The most pivotal, and hardest, moment of all was the night my daughter passed away.
Every year, in the days surrounding that night, my sibling reaches out to me. Even if months pass where we don’t talk, when we reconnect, it feels as if no more time than it takes to grab a glass of water has passed. Many of my strongest memories are of her, and this one, though filled with pain, is also one of the brightest examples of the love and support she has given me. Recently, on the anniversary of that night, I wrote her a message to thank her for the light she brought me in my darkest hour. I want to share it here because it answers this prompt to perfection:
I’ve been reaching out to people with good memories I have of them and my daughter. Yours is bittersweet, so make sure you can collect yourself before reading further.
The night she passed. I recall you being by my side, reassuring me, keeping me calm through the worst time in my life. Something you have continued to do every year since. I recall someone else being there, running their rear off to make sure people had what they needed. That was the night they became family to me just as much as you are. Your support meant so much that night—it helped me from falling completely apart. The hug you gave me brought me a sliver of comfort in the chaos. I think you even mentioned the PICU photo of her holding the magic wand and looking so full of wonder. I don’t recall much of what anyone said, as most of it blurs together unless my PTSD is triggered. However, this moment stands out. It shines like a beacon in the darkest of times.
And a big thank you to the soon to be brother in law for what they did that night—it’s another very clear memory I hold onto. I have other memories of course, but this one oddly stands out the most to me and makes me smile even through tears. I wish it was a happier memory that comes to mind today of you and your niece, but that day you would have made her proud. You pushed through that night like she always pushed through so many things herself. I suspect that’s why it is the strongest memory coming to me today. Thank you both for what you did that night.
Her response to my message left me speechless. It underscored the depth of her support and the bond we share. She wrote:
I’ve read this a few times now, and to him as well, and it is so meaningful to me that my presence was helpful. It’s one of the times in my life where I know that I was meant to be a sister.
It is a privilege I don’t take lightly that I got to be there for you and for her. To know I was there the day she was born, for her first bath with that little cap they put on her, and to be there while you gave her her last with such care and love. We can’t escape what happened, so trying to pull on what it all meant and how people showed up for one another is a small comfort.
While a bittersweet one like you mentioned, I am also trying to think fondly of memories on her day (how I coin it in my head now). I always think of her eating the burger at the restaurant with us all and the pure joy in her face and how she reminded me so much of you. How her joy gave you joy. Her laughter is something I could never forget the melody of either.
We love you so dearly and would go to the ends of the earth for you. Thank you for letting us be there and thank you for teaching me how to show up as a sister. My earliest memories are almost all with you in a starring role. I wouldn’t be me without you.
On a day that I rarely smile her words brought a smile to my face. I felt her touch despite the distance. Sometimes the worst times in life are when the most positive things people do are found. There are many who were there that day for me, I could have used some of them to answer this question however with this latest anniversary of that day it made it an easy choice as to what memory to use. A devastating memory yes but one that I recalled without breaking down and having issues with my PTSD for the first time ever this year and it was with a bitter sweet smile. A light in the darkest time of anyone’s life. The most positive thing a family member has done for me that has never really ended.
Her final words also struck me in the deepest way and still do. To realize that I am part of the foundation of her earliest memories—a starring role in so many moments that helped shape who she is—was a revelation that brought tears to my eyes. It was a reminder that even in the hardest times, the devotion of a sister can shine as one of life’s most profound gifts and you can find out some profound, knock you over with a feather moments that there are no words that would ever describe the honour and so much more that this filled me with. She has been there for me in ways beyond what I could have imagined, and her words were a reflection of how deeply we have impacted each other’s lives.
So while it is hard to revisit these memories, they reflect the most positive thing a family member has ever done for me. It’s easy to be there for someone during the good times, but being there during the worst—and continuing to show up every year—is beyond extraordinary. Her steady presence has been a gift of unshakable love and support, and for that, I will forever be grateful. I love you to the moon and back I have since the day you were born and that love will exist for eternity.
Who am I? 
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