The bystander effect isn’t just frustrating it’s deadly.
It’s the reason people die when help is right there. It’s the reason emergencies turn into tragedies.
And the worst part? It’s preventable.
Why am I thinking about this today? Simple, I just had to help someone. My apple watch was dead. My cell thankfully wasn’t and has gps tracking so I can say a few sentences to give location and what is going on and toss it into a pocket, bra or on the ground. They can figure it out from what I have given. Yet that person maybe ten feet away pretended to not speak English with their phone out and not against their ear. They could have been on the phone making sure help had help getting to where they are needed. I have dealt with this before when off duty long before my car accident. I don’t have my equipment; it lives in the ambulance. I have my first aid kit that is yes, a bit more then you’re off the shelf, but it is still extremely basic. I have gloves, a fair number of them, and a few face shields for cpr. That is, it, I do not have the rest to use, I need that stuff and that means I needed a paramedic and team to get to me with that stuff. I can mitigate and do what I can but the longer that help gets to me, well the outcome isn’t all that good at times.
Today I was lucky, tomorrow I might not be able to make that call myself because “someone else will call” “someone else has made the call”. Or you need to take photos instead of asking what I need. Today it wasn’t life threatening, but it was still bad, car accidents tend to be. Today I had the time to make the call, sure I didn’t say much but the line was open so they could trace me. What if they can’t pinpoint my location and I am not hearing them say they need more direction, what if that call is hung up and they call back. You really think I am going to stop to answer any call. I won’t because I don’t know they need help getting me help because I am focused on my patient like I should be. Help me help these people please. I do not want to add more notches to this bed post there are to many already.
You’ve seen the bystander effect happen. You may have even done it yourself. That moment when someone clearly needs help, and people just… stand there. Watching. Talking amongst themselves. Maybe filming it. After all, it is something big and others should know. Yea go right ahead after you make the damn call.
Why? Because every single person is thinking the same thing.
“Someone else will handle it.”
“Somebody else probably already called.”
“It’s not my problem.”
Except nobody actually does anything. No help is on the way when time is critical.
And that hesitation? That assumption? It costs lives.
Let’s talk real consequences.
The blood-curdling scream you heard in the middle of the night the woman begging for help?
Her husband was beating her. Her ribs were broken, she was barely able to breathe, and he refused to get her medical care. But you looked out your window, saw nothing, and went back to bed because, well, “someone else will call.”
Except no one did. And by morning, it was too late.
What if that was you, your daughter, your mother or many other people who can be in that situation that you love and no one called because “Some one else will call” was the thought everyone had when they went back to bed only to wake to cops. No medical personnel in sight and it is not because they were on their way to the hospital. It is a black bag that is needed, medical personnel aren’t needed now. It’s to late. If they have left, let’s just say the last thing on their mind is littering and you would see the evidence on the ground. So, you know something happened yet help is only just getting there as you leave for work. So, Make The Call because it is possible you are the only one. 911 is connected so they can see whether they need to send more help or not. That is not your job to worry about, your job is to call 911… or whatever your emergency number is where you live.
The fight you overheard during the day while you were on a walk, the sounds of objects smashing against walls, voices rising to a terrifying crescendo?
You walked past the house, maybe even slowed down to listen, but you kept walking. Because surely someone else will call, it is the middle of the day.
Except no one did. And when the cops finally arrived, it was because of the aftermath a murder-suicide, a tragedy that could have highly likely been prevented.
That fire alarm in your apartment? The one you assumed was another false alarm?
You stayed inside, waiting to see if it real before evacuating. But then smoke started pouring in, and suddenly, it was too late to run. A firefighter had to risk his life to carry you out, and just as the door came into sight, the building collapsed.
That was preventable. But the assumption that someone else will handle it? It cost lives. First get the hell out second, make the damn call. I can not say that enough.
One you can look up easily is Kitty Genovese.
She was stabbed to death outside her apartment building in Queens, New York, in 1964. She screamed for help not once, but multiple times.
Thirty-seven people heard her cries.
Not one of them called the police.
She crawled to the back of her building, bleeding out, while her attacker returned to stab her again.
She died alone because everyone assumed someone else would call.
I have walked into far too many situations where time was running out, and instead of seeing people calling 911, I saw them recording for social media. This is another firsthand experience I wish I didn’t have. There are to many times I can say this yeesh. I have seen their screens. People were streaming, snapping pictures, making content instead of saving lives. No trauma kit on me it’s my day off. But here’s the worst part I don’t have time to make the call myself. Because if I stop what I’m doing to grab my phone, there’s a real chance it won’t be medics arriving it’ll be just the cops. That delay? That assumption that someone else should call. It can cost lives.
It’s not like I didn’t try.
I made eye contact. I talked to people directly.
I pushed past the discomfort of looking someone in the eye something that, as someone with ASD, isn’t exactly fun for me.
And still? They ignored me.
They pretended they didn’t speak English.
They kept talking amongst themselves.
Which, let’s be real I was outside my own apartment. I knew damn well most of them spoke English.
When more arrived who work in the rental office so obviously speak English pretty damn well. What did they do instead? Pissed me off. They took their phones out, pretended they didn’t see me making eye contact, didn’t hear me shouting out, and they started to do what the others were already doing. Or just watching that to. This may be an old one from when I could work however it still happened. What was I dealing with? Someone had been stabbed moments before I arrived, most weren’t critical, one was really bad. An artery was nicked. I did all I could, I will not go into details. 45 minutes before help arrived one saying they got lost, another saying they only got the call 10 minutes ago. I lost my patient and while I did all I could, I still blame myself to this day, I look at the memory and go what could I have done to buy more time. I didn’t have my first aid kit; I had a pair of gloves and a cpr face shield. I needed help not just with someone making the call but getting me a first aid kit. Even if it was only a call that happened, I had bought enough time, ten minutes ago they got the call, fifteen minutes ago my patient was still alive. That means if someone had called before the 20-minute mark, my patient would have had a team of doctors helping them make it. What happened instead. They went “someone else will call” “someone else probably made the call” and took out their phone.
Yeah, sure, mostly got my back, not the actual emergency. Like that’s any better. This was only due to the location they couldn’t see anything more. At least he got that dignity. Yes dignity, I don’t want to be recorded when I am laying there in the snow vulnerable and in need of help. I don’t think you would like it either. These videos and photos tend to hit social media and once they are out there well, we all know that can’t be undone.
I’ve seen the opposite, too where people don’t hesitate. I got to add some good in this. I have seen this less often when it should be more often. They gather, but not to watch. More hands than I need, more people actually doing something or waiting to see if I needed more help. Some of the things that could need to be done need two people minimum. I look up as I need to be aware of my surroundings, a quick glance and I smile at That moment the phone is at their ear, not aimed at the scene, and you hear the unmistakable urgency in their voices.
That is how it should be.
But too often, I am forced to be the one making the call. And when I do, the operators ignore what I say.
I tell them outright:
“Just send help. I’ll ask if I need guidance, I am trauma trained.”
And yet, they still try to walk me through things like I’m just learning my ABCs.
Listen, I get why they do it most people aren’t trained. But when I’m telling them clearly that I know what I’m doing, it’s a distraction I don’t need. That phone isn’t in my hand it’s in my pocket, my bra, or on the ground, so I can focus on the actual emergency.
The last thing I need is extra noise while my brain is already pulling at every single bit of training and knowledge I have.
Because at that moment? I am sorting through chaos. And what I don’t need is irrelevant help making it harder. So, the phone ends up on the ground, in my pocket, left in my car what ever. I am not going to focus on that when I need my focus to be undivided. I need your help. Please make that damn call. Then if you must do the social media and photos crap but don’t do that before you know without doubt that help is on the way. Don’t assume those sirens are headed to me either, make sure the call has been made. Please.
Yes, I know most people need it but come on, I am very damn clear that is not needed. I have learned if I make that call, to not do more then give location and situation, numbers if more then one, and if weapon was involved or not. Then that phone is the last thing on my mind. Not making sure they do not get lost and go to the wrong place two blocks over. So even if you see my phone lit up red saying emergency whatever on the screen, make the damn call because I can’t do more then what I did I am to focused on keeping the person alive.
If you think “I wouldn’t know what to do” is an excuse it’s exactly that, an excuse not a reason.
911 operators literally walk people through emergencies step by step. Many need that, for me the phone is better in my pocket. If you can hold your phone and listen, you can make a call.
I’ve lived the consequences of this failure firsthand. I’ve watched good people suffer because others stood around doing nothing.
So let me be very clear:
If you ever find yourself in a crowd watching an emergency unfold break the cycle. Pull out your phone. Call 911.
This is why the bystander effect is so dangerous.
It’s why first responders despise it. Cops, firefighters, paramedics, first aiders we all hate it. Because when people just stand there, watching, assuming someone else will manage it? That assumption costs lives.
It quite frankly makes me sick.
The absolute worst part? I have been in situations where I couldn’t spare the time to make the call myself where pausing what I was doing meant more people would die.
I shouldn’t have to stop giving aid just to hunt for my phone and dial. But I have because not one person around me was making the damn call.
Thankfully, I wear an Apple Watch, and I was able to trigger SOS emergency mode.
Pure dumb luck. You have no clue I did that; you have no clue what I could pass on. You sure do not know that my watch has gps in it. What if my watch was dead? What if I hadn’t been wearing it?
Another example of the bystander effect you can look up Richmond High School.
A 15-year-old girl was brutally assaulted for over two hours during a homecoming dance.
Twenty people knew it was happening.
They watched.
They filmed.
They did nothing.
Not one of them called the police.
She was beaten, raped, and left unconscious under a picnic table.
She almost died because everyone assumed someone else would call.
This is what people don’t get this isn’t just a problem in some faraway place, some distant news story. This is happening right outside your door.
I am tired of having to be the one shouting for help when I am actively working on saving someone’s life.
It is not hard to pull out your phone and make the damn call.
I promise you 911 operators, emergency personnel, and I would rather get too many calls than none.
The moment you assume someone else will call you might just be the reason help never arrives.
And trust me, that is not a regret you want to live with.
You have heard me on this, have you seen this happen or like me, been the victim of it? My car accident was rush hour, no one stopped on a terribly busy highway. “Got to get to work, someone else will call.” I was lucky and eventually that luck will run out. Let’s talk about these so others can see this is a very real issue.
Who am I? 
I would love to hear from you!