So, I have this app. It’s one of those apps that you don’t think you need, but once you have it, you’re convinced it’s the only thing keeping you tethered to the universe. It flings random facts at me like a hyperactive kid at a trivia contest. Today, it hit me with this absolute gem: baby elephants suck their trunks the same way human babies suck their thumbs. Let me tell you, this fact sent me spiraling into the chaotic void of the internet faster than you can say “trunk-sucker.”

I mean, come on! Picture it: a baby elephant just sitting there, its oversized ears flapping like tiny flags of innocence, its trunk curled into its mouth like it’s contemplating the existential dread of being adorable. Naturally, I had to know more. What other bizarre, thumb-sucking-esque behaviours do animals get up to when we’re not around to judge them? Spoiler: nature is weirder than you think.

First, I stumbled onto capybaras. Oh, capybaras, the internet’s favourite oversized guinea pigs. Did you know that these chill little guys have a habit of adopting other animals? I’m not talking about other capybaras; I mean they’ll straight-up hang out with ducks, turtles, monkeys, and maybe even a lost squirrel if it seems like it needs a buddy. Imagine being an animal at the bottom of the food chain and just deciding, “Nah, I’m running a commune now.” It’s like they’re the hippies of the animal kingdom, except instead of playing the guitar around a campfire, they’re reclining in a hot spring with a bird on their head. I can’t decide if this is heartwarming or a secret plot to overthrow humanity with cuteness. I think the cuteness as a way to overthrow may be the winner given how many cute animal photos and videos there are and the speed they increase.

Speaking of bizarre animal quirks, have you ever heard of sloths? Of course, you have. But did you know they can take up to a month to digest a single leaf? One leaf! And let’s not even get started on their bathroom habits. They’ll climb all the way down from their trees—an arduous, molasses-paced journey of doom—just to take care of business on the ground. Why? No one knows. It’s like they’re trying to get caught by predators. Maybe they’re just really committed to their privacy. I respect that.

And then there are otters. These aquatic fuzz noodles hold hands while they sleep so they don’t drift apart. Honestly, that’s adorable enough to melt even the iciest of hearts, but it gets weirder. They also have a favourite rock. Yes. A rock. They keep this rock with them, using it to crack open clams and other shellfish, like tiny prehistoric tool-users. Some otters even stash their prized rock in a little “pocket” of skin under their armpit. I have so many questions. Do they compare rocks? Are there cliques of otters judging each other’s choice of stone? Is there an underground otter black market for premium clamshell-cracking rocks? Someone needs to investigate this.

While I was neck-deep in animal oddities, I found out about wombats. Did you know their poop is cube-shaped? Yes, cubic poop. At first, I thought, “Surely, this is a joke. Nature doesn’t make square waste.” But no, it’s real, and it turns out it’s because they use their poop to mark their territory, and the shape helps keep it from rolling away. Imagine being a wombat and thinking, “No, no, my poop must stay exactly where I left it.” This is the kind of hyper-specific genius that makes me both terrified of and in awe of evolution.

And don’t even get me started on pigeons. These city-slicker birds are more than just aggressive sandwich thieves. They’re also one of the few species that can recognize themselves in a mirror. That’s right—pigeons are self-aware. I don’t know why this horrifies me, but it does. The next time one of them stares you down on a park bench, just remember: it knows you. It sees you. It probably has opinions on your outfit.

Oh, and cows! Cows have best friends. This might be the most wholesome thing I’ve ever learned. They get visibly stressed when separated from their BFFs. I can’t stop imagining a cow version of Thelma and Louise, two bovine friends on a wild adventure, mooing their way through life’s ups and downs. Someone make this into a Pixar movie, please.

By this point, I was fully down the rabbit hole, which brings me to—well—rabbits. You’d think they’d just hop around and eat carrots like the cartoons taught us, but nope. Rabbits have this thing called a “binky,” where they jump into the air, twist their bodies, and flick their feet. It’s basically the rabbit equivalent of throwing jazz hands in sheer joy. I tried to imagine a human doing this, and now I can’t stop giggling.

Finally, let’s talk about octopuses because no list of animal weirdness is complete without them. These eight-armed enigmas can sometimes punch fish—for no apparent reason. Just a casual sucker-punch from a cephalopod. Scientists think it might be a way to assert dominance or express frustration. Either that or they’re just jerks. Either way, I respect the audacity.

By the end of my mini deep dive, I came to a conclusion: we humans like to think we’re the most complex creatures on Earth, but let’s be real—we’ve got nothing on animals. They’re living their best lives, completely oblivious to our judgment, and I kind of love that for them. If a baby elephant can suck its trunk like a baby sucks its thumb, and a wombat can poop cubes, then who am I to say what’s normal? Maybe we could all learn a thing or two from the chaos of nature. Or at the very least, we could use a good laugh.