I never know what to put as the title of these posts. One day I might figure it out.
Yesterday I had a wicked migraine, for some reason this one had me photosensitive which meant the closer to zero light the better. This is rare for me that is for sure trust me when you grow up with a bunch of younger siblings you learn to take alot more with your migraines or push through more. It often surprises people how I can do this. This my friends the only reason I can think of is i am AuDHD; if you haven’t heard the term I will include a link at the bottom to a great podcast about those who are Autistic and have ADHD or ADD, makes alot of sense I listen to this one every day and I lost count of how many times I have said “that’s me” “that makes sense” “I’m gonna try that”. Anyway those are autistic tend to compartmentalize things. Great in crisis or front line responders, it is also great for pain.
Since I live in so much pain this compartmentalizing ability is a game changer. I can to a degree block out the pain to get a task done. It burns me out fast when I am doing it with pain but I can still get the basics done. This is important because I suffer cluster migraines and often the ER is were my butt lands because the only medication that works for me is an IV medication. I used to get migraines sometimes up to three times in a week or would go weeks without. The going without used to scare me because when they would hit I would hit the ground. I have a couple scars from that happening when I was cutting things and didn’t get the knife far enough away as I was going down. Those ones I curl up in a ball of pain and try not to cry cause it makes it worse, I can not move because it makes it worse and heaven forbid someone who I do now know extremely well touches me. The last falls into the autism area, it takes alot to earn our trust and you know when you have when that person, at least in private doesn’t mask. We often show the emotions and reactions we think others want. Not what is true for us. This is important in my migraines because it needs to be someone I trust to that degree when it hits that hard that fast it also triggers a massive sensory overload, so anything touching me even the air sometimes is painful and when your on the ground unable to speak through the migraine or move because of pain you can imagine what level of pain it would take to be felt.
I have suffered migraines since I was three. They run in my maternal side, usually skips the guys and hits most of the women to varying degrees. My sisters and brother that I grew up with all get them. It took along time for each of us to find a way to treat at home. At the age of 37 I found mine. You see, with all my medical conditions NSAIDs are not able to be taken orally. NSAIDs are None Steroid Anti Inflammatory Drugs and that eliminates alot of pain meds for me.
So the trick with me to treat at home more often then not was found by accident. I take Toridol which is an NSAID however my darling phamacist who knew I had a medical background asked if would be able to give myself an IM injection. The answer was an easy yes. So now I have this on hand for other pain (car accidents can do a lot of lasting damage). It was a fluke that it was discovered rizatriptan, a new medication to try yet again for my migraines I give these an honest try despite knowing triptans do not work for me. We were missing a key addition. Years ago we tried a triptan with oral toridol and it did sweet fuck all. This time I had taken the rizatriptan and my body was being pissy so I gave myself the toridol injection in the muscle were I am supposed to, within minutes of taking that rizatriptan. An hour later no pain. Now we had tried IM toridol in hospitals and it did not work. The issue might have been how long you wait to get seen. I had caught this migraine within 2hrs of it starting with both these meds. If I go longer then 2 hrs 50/50 chance over three yea good luck.
Yesterday when I woke up my tummy was very much not up for even the scent of food. Hard to avoid in an apartment. Anyway as I was getting set up to do my daily message to you guys the pain hit at almost drop me like a stone pain level. Since we know what works I carry an insulin case that actually has both these meds and supplies I would need if hit, so I don’t have to go hunting and can bring it with me easy enough. I was down all day with the photosensitivity so me and computers and phones obviously do not work well together when that symptom is a factor. Today I have have a mild migraine left over. As long as I keep treating with the rizatriptan every six hours it will go away within a few days. Those of you who do not get migraines I hope this helps describe the pain and agony we go through. If you think you get it, you really do not. To me even the worst headache is just an annoyance nothing to even need meds if I even notice them. Honestly if I think about the top five types pain I go through I would be hard pressed to figure out which was one. Migraines, child birth, fibromyalgia, spinal cord degeneration, or my hips with the torn labrum (think rotator cuff but in the hips). What’s even worse with me is those (exclude the child birth) compound onto each other like a domino effect.
The nice thing is I usually have someone with me who is in that most trusted category. My service dog. She does a task called pressure until I can adjust enough to the pain and then I only need to worry about following her tail and she will bring me to my bed, my car, or a couch and lay across my legs. Makes it really hard to move lol but keeps grounding me. I can stim using different areas of her body. She knows that when the command “safe place” to get me away from crowds if we are in a mall, to get me somewhere I can curl up until I can drive. If she is tasking for a migraine she does this command without being asked. So all I need to do is follow her tail and I know things will be ok. I will be safe. If the car is the safe place… yea don’t approach it cause she is trained to bark when someone comes to close to the car. It lets me rest deeper and be/feel safe. If she has done this task for a migraine though and I can use just the toridol to get enough of the pain down to drive home I do so, if its to much or is affecting my vision I have to pray that someone can come pick me up because I don’t stand a chance on affording a cab. AISH won’t cover it they instead say “if its that bad call 911” which they do cover without quesiton is the ambulance but when we are suffering such a crisis with medics being so short handed that the fire department is sometimes dispacted until they can get there I am not calling them for a damn migraine. It takes alot for me to make that call. It also does not make sense to me why they won’t cover a 20-30 dollar cab ride but will cover the near 400 dollar ambulance. They know of my migraines, they have letter after letter from drs and social workers and nerologists trying to get through to them that I get these and need to get home it is easier to arrange a car ride from someone after their work day to go and get my car. It also costs the province a heck of alot less. The logic does not make any sense to me nor does the blatent disregard for real medical emergencies that need those medics. The medics unless that hospital has a special space set up have to stay with the patient, it is rare they can put the patient in the waiting room and has never happened with me. If that special space is full they have to stay with the patient and monitor them. This can take them off the road for HOURS. So why the fuck would I call for a ‘cab’ ride from an ambulance and why would I go to the hospital when I have decent chances of treating at home now, meaning I take up less space and time for something that isn’t considered an emergency. Often if I need the IV med I try urgent care they often do not have the drug when I call ahead or have another do so cause me and phones do not get alone unless it’s text. When you can not control the pain at home even with access to narcotics that is when you go to the ER for a migraine. At least that is my rule. I have worked for years before my car accident took so much from me including the ability to work so I know what those codes are when they are called, I know what is going on with resources and how bad they are needed and misused because less and less drs are actually getting into general practice and going for specialties which you need a general practitioner to refer you to. Huh funny how that works.
It is rare I will not post here each day. I want you to see into my life and the challenges. I do this to help others who have similar issues even if it is just one of the many that I have. I want to help others understand what this is like. I also do this because I am a healer at heart and I know these posts once long ago when I was going through hell with my daughter (you will see that one on the fifth) medically I started a facebook page to mark her journey. The support messages I got helped so much, and now even though she is gone since 2017 I still get messages saying thank you for giving me hope. In some form or another. I know the impact these things can have for others even for years to come. It also gives me a safe place to talk out what I am going through where I can be exactly who I am. So you can bet on there being a good reason if I ever forget or am unable to post without a heads up that there is a good reason and most often it will be migraine related. What you need to remember is… be you not what others want you to be…. Identify Adapt Overcome…. Be that noncompliant patient because Drs are human to…. accept others and their differences… and the most important one. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Who am I? 
I would love to hear from you!