Today I decided instead of working on my book; which my fingers are getting itchy to do, that I would learn something new. I was handed what to look up by someone who messaged me on multimedia. Now their first language is not English so since mine is I offered to help and to call them out on errors and call them out especially if what they said could be taken very wrong and very negatively. Today Andrew had some major issues with head butting testing my goal to try and always follow the 7 Grandfather Teachings. I am going to start there before I get into the meat of this post.

The 7 Grandfather Teachings

First off; I am Plains Cree and I am well aware the origin of these teachings come from Anishinaabe people, they have been embraced by many Indigenous groups, with slight variations. I want you aware of the origins as well.

Love: To care for others unconditionally and to show kindness and compassion.
Respect: To honor all living things and treat them with dignity.
Courage (Bravery): To face challenges with strength and determination.
Honesty: To be truthful in words and actions, and to live authentically.
Wisdom: To use knowledge and experience to make good decisions.
Humility: To recognize one’s place in the world and to live modestly.
Truth: To understand and live by the teachings in a genuine way.

It can be incredibly difficult to live by these teachings and to break habits that go against them. I am an infant in learning to walk with these teachings in all I do. So keeping these teachings in mind as I tell you about my run in today.

Why Clarity in Communication is Important.

So Andrew messaged me yesterday while I was in a very depressed mental state. Now he really struggles with English at times and as I learned today no small bit of pride there on his side either. His response to me saying I was to tired to start from the start and to please read what I had already written so what little energy I had could be put to better use was x rated in how it came out. There was no way to take it as anything but being that. I tried to correct him last night and eventually walked away. I did not have the ability to do so with respect and love in my words.

Today Andrew messaged and some days I wonder where some people have their heads. He said I am sorry IF I said something wrong. There was no if about it and to me that is one hell of a cop out of an apology and doesn’t even meet the requirements of the term. We then had an issue with how he twisted my words to being critical and how it is such a bad attitude. Hmmm two more words that are being used wrong. I am grateful I know this person well enough to know this is not the intent.

I started with first saying I know this is not your intent however you continue to be crude. In my mind i added and prideful almost to the point of gaslighting. Yes that bad. I took a deep breath and went fuck it. I need him to respect me, I need to respect him in how I approach this and brave enough to stand firm while being wise and truthful with my words without intent to cut with my tongue. I am pretty good at having a razor sharp tongue. So let’s delve into these words he was struggling with badly.

Mood vs Emotion

The difference between mood and emotion lies in their duration, intensity, and triggers:

• Emotion: Emotions are shorter-lived and more intense reactions to specific events or situations. For example, you might feel happiness after receiving good news, anger after a conflict, or sadness after a loss. Emotions usually have a clear cause and are more immediate in nature.
• Mood: A mood is a longer-lasting, less intense state that doesn’t always have a clear trigger. For instance, you might wake up feeling content, grumpy, or anxious without an obvious reason. Moods influence your overall emotional state throughout the day and set the tone for how you perceive and react to experiences.

Think of emotions as sharp, momentary spikes on a graph, while moods are the broader, ongoing trend lines. Both are interconnected—your emotions can influence your mood, and your mood can shape the way you experience emotions.

Those that read my posts from yesterday know that my mood and emotions are a complete 180 from yesterday. So when he said my mood was the same, instead of getting offended and angry. I was offended and used it as a teaching moment. Mood and Emotion are tied to each other yes, however very different from each other. I am not sure how much better I could have clarified this for Andrew. Let alone how much calmer, yea his pride showed it’s face pretty good and refused to let that I was being just as unappealing today as yesterday. At this point I actually laughed.

You see, I had just finished my post on rising from the ashes of that mess that was the day before. There was no small amount of amusement on my end there. I pointed out that while English is not his native language it is no excuse to not accept constructive critism and learn from one’s errors.

Criticism Vs Constructive Criticism

Andrew’s remark on how criticism is unappealing is correct, however it was not what criticism I was giving him and I again dropped into dictionary mode.

The key difference between criticism and constructive criticism lies in their intent and delivery:

• Criticism: This is often negative feedback, delivered bluntly or harshly, focusing primarily on faults or weaknesses. It tends to tear down without offering solutions or encouragement for improvement. For example, saying, “This post is a mess; it doesn’t make sense,” is plain criticism.
• Constructive Criticism: This involves offering feedback with the intent to help someone grow or improve, often accompanied by suggestions or encouragement. It balances pointing out areas for improvement with highlighting strengths. For example, saying, “The main idea of your post is powerful, but you could tighten the structure for clarity. Adding subheadings might help guide readers more effectively,” is constructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is about fostering growth, while plain criticism often lacks empathy and guidance. Both address issues, but one builds you up, and the other can leave you feeling torn down.

Now I am not sure how much more gentle I could have been when I told him this and that I am helping him learn from his errors before they become habits or he says something like that to another and ends up with a nice cold drink dumped on his head. I told him I don’t just correct I explain how I came to the correction so he can use those lessons to better himself.

Conclusion

So when we look at the attitude, intent, and approach to helping Andrew learn from one error that turned into a series of errors that took a lot of patience to not lay into him about because of their crude nature. The only saving grace was the fact I knew English was not the best with him and I have known him long enough to know his personality doesn’t lean towards being cruel and crude. To me this takes wisdom to apply when in a situation that could be responded to with offence, anger, disgust, and venom. A year ago I would have done exactly that and then hit that lovely x at the top of the screen and seethed. Instead before I even typed my first word last night, I already forgave his error. I am not carrying anger and all that with me on top of my own emotions and letting it influence my mood. I don’t need a person to be apologetic or feel they were in the wrong to forgive them for forgiveness is for my sake not theirs. Simple as that. Now I am taking it a step further and sharing this experience, modified a bit to keep it to the point.

My point? That is simple. Words in english are few and can be used in many ways, our nouns, our verbs, the words connected all impact the word used. English is far from a descriptive language which I think is a shame because of the misunderstandings this can lead to. Just like is going on with Andrew and I. Will I further expand on things to him? Yes only if he asks, otherwise I am just wasting my time and he is not ready to learn the lesson that puts him in the wrong. That is his choice, not mine. Will it cause me to put distance between us if this twisting of words and crudeness continues yes, because I respect myself and I respect him enough to know when to walk away and let words sink in.

How do you navigate communication challenges while staying true to your values and to yourself?”