Chaos of Emotions and Acceptance
Emotions can be chaotic—we all know this deep down. For those of us who struggle with the logic of emotions, understanding why we feel a certain way can be challenging. Denying their existence isn’t an option. Yesterday reminded me of that, though I certainly didn’t need or want the reminder.
When I’m at my lowest, my best poetry often emerges. My poetry has no format—it’s raw, unfiltered, and honest. Pen hits paper (or fingers hit keys), and I let go, allowing logic to take a backseat. This process helps me bring a sense of logic to the illogical chaos of my emotions.
The Mask We Wear
Since I was a teen, I’ve used poetry to express my emotions. At the time, my poems were brighter, masking the deep depression I felt. Readers saw only the surface, unaware of the cry for help embedded within my words. Yesterday, however, I chose to rip off that mask, let the spiral take me, and write through it.
By the time I finished, the tears stopped, and I felt heard—if only by myself. Writing became my outlet, my way of processing what felt illogical. In a strange way, it made sense. It was also instinctive, and I have been taught to follow my instincts. Apparently I was better at this as a teen then I am today.
The Power of Acceptance
Acceptance was the key to pulling myself out of the tailspin. Instead of masking my depression with anger or bottling it up, I accepted it as part of my day. Why? Because acceptance allows emotions to run their course.
Life has taught me that strong emotions can knock you flat. Yesterday, I craved comfort: my sweatshirt, ribbon skirt, velvety blanket, and my puppy. These simple items reminded me of my resilience, my heritage, and my survival. My sweatshirt’s message—”Stand Strong, Walk Tall”—and my ribbon skirt’s textures grounded me.
Lesson’s From My Ancestors
I am a descendant of survivors who descended from survivors themselves. My Cree heritage and traditions remind me of the strength in my lineage. As Wolf Necklace, Palouse, once said: “I never want to leave this country; all my relatives are lying here in the ground, and when I fall to pieces I am going to fall to pieces here.”
This quote resonated with me today because of how I was doing mentally yesterday. Falling apart isn’t a sign of failure—it’s part of being human. It’s a way to find balance, release bottled emotions, and start anew. I fell apart where my ancestors have fallen apart and I accept I will many more times before it is my time to join the round dance with my ancestors.
Moving Forward
This morning, I reclaimed my strength. I made my smoothie, brewed chai tea, and remembered the teachings passed down to me. My aunty taught me to bring life back into water and balance into my body. Adding a living ingredient to water carries wisdom generations old, that fits in today’s world and makes a scary amount of sense. She also taught me the body is made of SALT water, so start the day with a pinch of sea salt. My choice is Pink Himalayan and it does not take much. However the impact is profound.
Today, I honor that wisdom. I stand strong, walk tall, and remember my Cree name and shout it out, Niya Yotin Iskwew—I am Wind Woman. Like the wind, I can be a gentle breeze or a powerful hurricane. I am the wind. I am not the eye of the storm. I am the storm.
To anyone reading this: It’s okay to fall apart. Allow yourself to feel, accept it, and rise again. Remember, you are surrounded by spirits and life. You are never truly alone.
To those who speak Cree who are cringing at my grammar lol please I ask you to correct my words when I am wrong so I may learn. The dialect I am learning is the y-dialect.
I leave you with this question:
How do you deal with emotions that don’t always make sense? Does your culture or spirituality play a role in how you accept and balance them?
Who am I? 
I would love to hear from you!