Hyperfocus is a blessing and a curse, isn’t it? I mean, you sit down to write something—a scene, a conversation, maybe just a quick outline—and the next thing you know, it’s 3 a.m., your joints are screaming, your keyboard looks like it’s ready to sue for abuse, and you’ve got a hundred pages of… well, something. Something resembling a novel, but also maybe resembling a fever dream. I’m not sure what dimension I tapped into during that 12-hour typing spree, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the one I started in.

Oh, and did I mention I did that two nights in a row? Yeah, apparently my body didn’t get the memo that sleep is non-negotiable. The result? A manuscript that is simultaneously dark, romantic, and chaotic enough to make me question my own sanity. Trigger warnings? Oh, this story needs more trigger warnings than a haunted house with a chainsaw guy in every room. It starts pitch black—like, morally ambiguous characters doing morally ambiguous things in morally ambiguous lighting. There’s no easing into the darkness here. I dove straight into the abyss and then sprinkled in some romance to keep it interesting. Basically, it’s your quintessential “What the hell am I doing?” kind of project, though there is still so much to go so it will get less uhhh dark and violent and invasive….

Now, you’d think after hammering out a hundred pages in a flurry of hyper focused madness, I’d be ready to slow down, breathe, and, I don’t know, stretch my fingers or something. But no! My brain had other plans. Instead of working on character profiles or adding those crucial details to flesh out scenes (because, let’s be honest, my scenery currently exists somewhere between “blank void” and “generic forest”), I was hit with an avalanche of new ideas. “Character profiles?” scoffed my brain. “How about we plot a forbidden love triangle involving a cursed sword, a morally bankrupt sorcerer, and someone who can command shadows?” or “Let’s see what would happen if we had twin Alpha wolf shifters fall in love with the same human woman who is thirty? Ok what if we add the way she ended up on the run from.. yea it is dark I did tell you… trafficers and ends up working in a nasty bar and the boss is a real piece of work. Then she somehow makes her way into the forest and is spotted by the twins who share everything, apparently even a mate. Here is the thing they are snipers, used to be SEAL and after they got out they started to hunt down these types of people and put them down as Kael says.” Can you tell which one got the focus.

Seriously, my brain is like an unruly toddler with a sugar high. It doesn’t care what I planned to do. It’s off running in the opposite direction, dragging me by the arm and whispering, “But what if the villain secretly loves the protagonist? Ooh, and what if the protagonist’s best friend is actually working for him? And what if—wait for it—the cursed sword has feelings?” or “what if I go into graphic detail of what exactly happened in that office with her boss? What if I have a gang member get booted from the gang for being a jack ass to the waitress (the fmc) and teams up with this boss. Only it doesn’t go the way they want it to. Especially since the gang is a group of coyote shifters.” Again can you tell which one my mind went with because I am apparently going to do this for writing about this very thing.

So, I ran with it. What else could I do? Fighting the chaos only leads to staring at a blank screen while your brain laughs at you. The ideas were good, even if they were wildly inconvenient and dark as fucking hell, though I do plan on having one fun scene where she figures out she can love two very alpha males in more ways then just Alpha of the pack. And honestly, who needs convenience when you’re writing dark fantasy romance? I mean, the genre practically demands chaos. It feeds on it. It’s the literary equivalent of throwing glitter into a tornado—messy, unpredictable, but somehow beautiful if you squint a little.

Now, let’s talk about the aftermath of those marathon writing sessions. Have you ever tried typing non-stop for 12+ hours over multiple days? If not, let me paint you a picture. It’s like running a mental marathon while your fingers play whack-a-mole with the keyboard. By the time you’re done, your hands are sore, your back is stiff, and you’re fairly sure your chair has permanently molded itself to your body. Oh, and the hyperactivity kicks in. Because apparently, my brain doesn’t understand that exhaustion should equal sleep. Nope—after these writing sprints, I’m bouncing off the walls like a caffeinated squirrel. Apparently I need more dopamine. Goodie.

AuDHD, folks. It’s a rollercoaster. One minute I’m laser-focused, cranking out pages like my life depends on it. The next, I’m jumping from idea to idea, wondering if I should start outlining a sequel before I’ve even finished the first book. It’s chaotic, sure, but it’s my chaos. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Anyway, back to those character profiles. I figured building them would be a good way to ground myself, to pull some order out of the swirling chaos that is my brain. But instead of carefully crafting backstories and deciding on hair colors or favorite foods, I ended up creating a deep, tragic lore for a minor character who might not even make it past chapter three. Why? Because my brain said so. And when my brain says something, I’ve learned to just nod and go along with it. Well more like chapter ten I think it is one of them are “taken care of” as Kain would say.

At this point, I’m not entirely sure what’s driving this story—me or the characters. They’re taking on lives of their own, demanding arcs and motivations I hadn’t planned for. The protagonist is darker than I intended, the love interest has become morally ambiguous, and the villain… well, let’s just say the villain has been stealing the spotlight lately and there will be more then one because there is a surprise with Teya, the FMC. They’ve got a tragic backstory (naturally), a questionable sense of humor, and a knack for making me wonder if they’re really the bad guy or just misunderstood. Though most cases it is clear that I would agree with Kael and Kain without a doubt. This is not uncommon with me and writing, the characters tell me their story and I just make it look pretty. Would you read a book that starts this dark?

Oh, and the romance? Let’s not even talk about the romance. It’s messy, complicated, and emotionally fraught—which, let’s be honest, is exactly what you want in a dark fantasy romance. None of this “love at first sight” nonsense here. These characters are going to fight, hurt each other, and make terrible decisions before they even think about falling in love. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the darker the setting, the more satisfying the romance. Though I think the twins will realize she is their mate long before she will accept them, after all wolves are run by instinct so they kinda would know sooner. Will she feel the same instinct when I figure out what her story is? Maybe a pure blood that can be traced back to the first shifters? Or Perhaps she can shift into a few things, perhaps even a house cat. I don’t know yet, Teya is a bit of a mystery right now. Guess that is what happens when you don’t know who you are in truth.

So, where does that leave me? Somewhere between chaos and creativity, typing away as my brain throws curveballs faster than I can catch them. The manuscript is a mess, the characters are demanding rewrites, and my outline is basically a collection of scribbled notes that barely make sense, to the point I stopped trying to keep it. But you know what? I’m loving every second of it.

Writing dark fantasy romance might be exhausting, chaotic, and occasionally insane, but it’s also exhilarating. It’s a chance to explore the depths of human emotion, to create worlds and characters that challenge and surprise me. And honestly, who needs sleep when you’ve got a cursed sword whispering plot twists in your ear? Or twins who have the convince their girl and help her figure out who the hell she is? Would you read something that starts with such detailed graphic violence?